my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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