If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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