I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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