does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
