you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize