Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We are two peas in an std pod
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
