Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You're like the curious george of whores
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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