I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
