i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
