i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
