it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize