His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
