FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
