Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
