Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
