I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
