I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
