We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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