whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
