God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
