Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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