No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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