I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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