Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
