if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
