On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
