If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
