how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize