I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
