I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize