dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
