I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
