I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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