i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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