It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
