I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
