boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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