eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
