I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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