Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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