at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
