pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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