...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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