so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
