i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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