what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
