New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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