At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
