His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
