in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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