Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
