yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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