hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize