We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
