So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
