I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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