You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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