I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
