Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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