youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how drunk are you?
Several
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
