I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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