just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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