the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
