: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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