I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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