Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
