he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
