The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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