this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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