Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
