took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
