5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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