hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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