direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
