So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
