i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
