If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
