She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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