There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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