Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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