My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a bag of teeth...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
