Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
