That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
