your parents love me but you hate me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
