Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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