I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
