I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
