atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
