as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
