i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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