like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize