i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
