I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
