if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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