At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she told me i tasted like america
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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